Gridiron Gesticulations Week 1: Sloppy Starts

By John Griffin

So, the Charlie Weis era of Jayhawk football began with a victory. What else happened around the world of college football? Well, prepare for a dollop of creamy knowledge to be dropped onto your crunchy, tortilla brain.

Sloppy Top 25

Really, #4 Oklahoma? You beat UTEP 24-7? You needed a pair of 4th quarter touchdowns to put away the Miners?

#9 South Carolina: You won 17-13. With 69 yards passing. Against Vanderbilt. Do I have to elaborate? Okay, I do. SC quarterback Connor Shaw had a tough performance, returning to the game after an injury sidelined him. But it’s not like he was lighting it up before he was hurt.

#12 Wisconsin: Northern friggin’ Iowa took you to the wire in a 26-21 nailbiter? I’m not even going to look up the names of any NIU players because it’s Northern Iowa. You let their quarterback throw for a game-high 265 yards and three touchdowns. What the what?

#21 Stanford: Now that Luck is gone, you guys look like a hot mess out there, escaping from San Jose State 20-17. No ranked team should be “escaping” San Jose St. You were 2-of-13 on 3rd down?! I can’t even laugh at that statistic.

#23 Florida: You won 27-14, but you know it was closer than that. Please find a quarterback so I don’t ever have to legitimately think about your chances against Bowling Green.

 

Ala-freaking-bama

 Who loses three of the best defensive players in the country, a Heisman finalist and the previous year’s two top receivers, only to come back and absolutely spank #8 Michigan, 41-14? Oh yeah, Nick Saban. Even as his lead extended to 24-0 in the 2nd quarter, Nick Saban was still frothing with rage as his team committed an offsides penalty. He is like some sort of evil, gnome football genius, and I fear him as much as I respect him.

 

Players of the Week

Tennessee WR Cordarrelle Patterson in his first start for the Volunteers, racked up over 160 yards of offense and scored two TDs as Tennessee defeated NC State 35-21. Here’s his 67-yard TD run. The only downside is I’m pretty sure he was wearing a hairnet over his dreadlocks. Not the most stylish look.

Michigan State RB Le’Veon Bell was stellar in the Spartans’ victory over Boise State, gaining 248 yards on 44 carries and scoring both of Michigan State’s TDs. Bell put the team on his back and carried them past the Broncos in 17-13 win. Oh, and he totally hurdled a guy. With Bell weighing over 240 pounds, it was like watching a turkey fly: unnatural, yet somehow still possible and inspiring.

 

The Week Ahead

As of now, there are no matchups of ranked teams for week two. You know it’s going to be a bad weekend of football when the two most interesting games involve Florida’s anemic offense wobbling into Texas A&M’s Kyle Field, and Mizzou hosting Georgia where they will most likely be handled by an incredibly overrated Mark Richt led team. I guess Duke is going to be playing Stanford. That’ll get attention of some sort because they’re both good academic schools, as if we care about Duke when we aren’t hating their basketball team.

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One Response to “Gridiron Gesticulations Week 1: Sloppy Starts”
  1. Paco says:

    Way to selfishly include Tennessee in a player of the week. Another side note, Saban is still the devil

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