Gridiron Gesticulations Week 4: With Apologies to FSU and Ryan Lochte

By John Griffin

I Was Wrong

Let me begin by addressing my criticism of Florida State a few weeks ago. While I never said FSU was a bad team, I felt they hadn’t earned their high pre-season ranking. They certainly proved me wrong in an exhilarating 49-37 win over Clemson, but my problem lies more with the system that anointed FSU than I do with the team itself.

I consider preseason rankings to be one of the dumbest things in sports, a close 3rd behind Jerry Jones and Ryan Lochte. It’s a system based entirely on hype and speculation when no football has actually been played. The worst part? It can seriously affect how a season turns out. Deserving teams with great records won’t get into high profile bowl games, simply because they began with a lower ranking that was determined by guesswork.

Why not wait until 2 or 3 games have gone by before we rank every team? I guess then the media wouldn’t have anything to talk about.

Anyway, congratulations to the Seminoles on a fine performance. So what else happened?

  1. Big Game Bob: Bob Stoops pulled another Bob Stoops, a coin I am terming which equates to Oklahoma inevitably losing 1 game every year for stupid reasons, despite their superior talent. Oklahoma was upset in Norman by Collin Klein and Kansas State, falling 24-19. Landry Jones did this and I thought it was hilarious.
  2. Lossless Les: Les Miles pulled another Les Miles, which is yet another term I’m coining where LSU somehow farts out a victory against a horribly overmatched team. In this case, it was against the worst Auburn team in the last 20 years. After such an uninspired performance, LSU dropped from #2 to #3.
    I still hate Les Miles.
  3. Just Chipper: Chip Kelly’s Oregon Ducks are the proud new owners of the #2 spot, after they absolutely blasted #22 Arizona, 49-0. Oregon’s defense forced 5 turnovers and completely shut down an offense that was supposedly very good. They still wear uniforms that make them look like background dancers in a Nicki Minaj video though.

Players of the Week

South Carolina WR Ace Sanders had a 23-yard touchdown catch in South Carolina’s 31-10 romp over Mizzou, but that wasn’t what was special. I’m mentioning Sanders for absolutely embarrassing the entire University of Missouri with this electric 45-yard punt return. Mizzou, just because you dress like a rejected arena football team doesn’t mean you have to tackle like one.

It’s hard to criticize Florida State QB EJ Manuel after his performance against Clemson on Saturday. Manuel completed 77% of his passes, and threw for 380 yards and 2 TDs. Meanwhile, he rushed for 102 yards on 12 attempts. Is this guy getting Heisman attention yet? This season he’s completed 73% of his passes, thrown for 8 scores, and run for another.

The Week Ahead

Everybody can laugh at Ole Miss when they play Alabama. Maybe this year they can keep it within 6 TDs.

#25 Baylor at #9 West Virginia may be an interesting, high-scoring affair.

#14 Ohio State visits #20 Michigan State to see which State is State-ier.


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