by Kacie Fuller
It was an eventful year here at KJHK, we laughed, we cried, there were ups and downs, lefts and rights, norths and souths, wins and NO losses. And we as an exec staff have grown closer as friends and co-workers than ever before. In fact, we are all one step closer to becoming one person, like the amalgamation of flesh and neurons from Akira.
And to commemorate such a year at the station I decided we needed a proper send off in the form of the ever nostalgic yearbook superlative section. And so I sent out this form to our 2023-2024 exec staff, and our lovely 2024-2025 exec staff to get to the root of our identities, exposed here for you all to laugh at.
In the event of a tie all will be listed. But if someone won in an absolute landslide they will stand alone on their pedestal. And as a fun bonus to really get into the yearbook mood, almost everyone sent in a photo from high school to really top it all off.
Enjoy!
Best Dynamic Duo –
This goes to Ali and Betsey! Our beautiful music director duo have been fighting all year to tame the monster that is the music director email and lead the crusade that is Music Staff, and by Jobe they’ve put up one hell of a fight. Ali and Betsey are an absolute dream team and so it feels correct that their iconic-ness be recognized here.
Most Likely to Violate the Most FCC Guidelines –
We have a dump button for a reason, and the most likely to wear it out is Brandon Luck! Sometimes you get too into a topic and forget yourself, and that’s completely understandable. Any FCC fines will be coming out of your paycheck, though.
Most Likely to Join a Circus after College –
I thought this one would be more divisive seeing as KJHK is the closest thing to an authentic pantomime you can get in the States, but this individual won by a landslide. Who’s going professional? Why, it’s Jack Bugee! Our fearless leader is graduating this May so he better polish up those skills QUICK so that he may entertain the masses come August.
Left Lane Cruiser –
In the first tie of the evening (but nowhere near the last), allow me to introduce the speed racers of the station. Dashing all about Lawrence to get to meetings on time and no doubt blasting KJHK all the way down Iowa. Beep beep get out of the way, It’s Gracie Hughes and Clara Ketchell in your blindspot! Gracie doesn’t even have a car, which makes this slightly more scathing.
Most Likely to Sneak Top 40 into Their Set –
As a radio station we embrace all forms of musical artistry and taste, but when it comes to on air DJing we try to keep a certain… decorum. In another tie, we narrowed down who was most likely to give into their demons and play top 40 over our sacred airwaves. Caroline Blanke and Beth Davis, if you could please toss a few dollars into the Top 40 jar, your sins will be forgiven.
Most Likely to Start Drama in the Workplace –
This one isn’t named properly. It should not be who is “most likely” to cause drama, it should be “who is actively, as we speak, starting problems.” This is not a hypothetical. This is a guarantee. It’s happening. This is a cry for help for everyone caught in the crossfire, it’s Emma Curran with Tyler Burkett one vote behind. They should be tied, for one does not fight without the other. It’s all in good fun, at least that’s what we’re hoping.
Most Likely to Cause a distraction in Exec Meetings –
Exec meetings are not grueling boring endeavors, they’re sweet and quick and any delay is usually a fun conversation. Maybe other Bubbles have rougher meetings, but this individual is a part of Content Bub, as am I, and I know this is not the case. So who has the gall to check out the battle pass in the middle of the meeting? Why, Tyler Burkett! A reputation as a rapscallion apparently.
Most Likely To Abuse KJHK Instagram Access –
A four-way tie on the abuse of power of a social media platform is always a wonderful sign and these four have already been called out before on this list. Jack Bugee, Clara Ketchell, Caroline Blanke, and Gracie Hughes. Always double check which account you’re posting to, your secret Superwholock fan-page content should never accidentally appear on the KJHK story. (Is Superwholock too old of a reference? What’s the equivalent now? I’m not hip anymore)
KJHK Sand Volleyball Dream Team –
Every year the new and old staff engage in some family friendly fun over by Clinton lake for some team building. But what if we weren’t playing for morale? What if we were playing for cold hard cash? For the thrill of the win? For the glory? Well watch out, Federico Moreno, Bobbi Washechek, Jack Bugee, Jackson Goodrich, and Emma Curran are here to absolutely wreck shop. We don’t make trophies for this, but we might have too now.
Biggest SlayJHK-er –
I put this on the form and was asked what this meant. Was it the most fashionable? The most eccentric? The biggest fan of KJHK? Or was this a round-about way of calling out the maybe possibly potentially gayest member on staff? All valid questions, and I answered none of them. This vagueness left us with a five-way tie. “Oh, Kacie, that’s not a good way to have run this” and? I let the human mind fill in the blanks, sue me for trying to be a little subversive. Anyway, our top five slays are: Caroline Blanke, Bobbi Washechek, Alexis Vielma, Beth Davis, and Betsey Lewis! Take this to mean: Whatever your mind jumps to when you hear ‘Slay.’
Most Ominous Vibe –
Ominous can mean a handful of things, either the classic spooky ooky or an individual that just sort of has a Presence. A sense of power, perhaps. Perchance. Commands a space. And no one commands a space (Studio 366?) quite like Jackson Goodrich! The aire of fame from the oh-so beloved local band The Jackoffs mixed with the mastery of the famed Live @ has earned him such a title.
Most Likely to Win Rupaul’s Drag Race –
As a Drag Race watcher can I just say this season was scuffed? I do like the top two (have beef with Plane Jane) but Mirage getting sent home so early? Absolutely devastating. But imagine a KJHK season, who would sashay away? Who would shantay (you) stay? We do know who would be getting a big ol’ Condragulations and that is Bobbi Washechek and Ali Madden!
Most Likely to be One of Those Overly Involved Baseball Parents Screaming On The Sidelines –
“Run! Faster! What the hell are you doing look up don’t pick at the grass! Be aggressive go go you got it- NO! Hey Ump, the hell was that? They obviously got it- no I swear to god I- Don’t you get up in my face buddy I’ll knock your head clean off” all followed by a silent ride home. Ahh… a token of any middle-school little league game. Half the fun of the Great American Sport we let these snot-nosed kids tarnish the name of is seeing it nearly turn into a WWE match. And what staffer is in the middle of the brawl? Well, this time it’s Abbey Todd. May all your umpires align with you, my friend.
Most Likely to be a “backpack leash kid” –
If the previous awards this individual has won has told us anything, it’s that he’s about to win this one too. My mother used to make fun of the parents at Zoos with the kids on the little leashes with the monkey back-pack, but maybe she’d have less stress-lines if she sacrificed her parental dignity for a sound mind. Which parents made the right decision off the bat? Well, apparently Tyler Burkett’s, followed closely by Brandon Luck. Maybe it’d still be worth investing in a leash backpack for the station.
Most Eclectic Music Taste –
This is a radio station by god! There should be more music themed awards, but I didn’t want to seem obsessed with our own branding. It’s all about thinking beyond your literal definition, thus all the more abstract awards. But for a moment let’s go back to our roots. Most eclectic music taste goes to Alexis Vielma and Jackson Goodrich.
Most Likely to get a KJHK Tramp Stamp (Serious) –
This is similar to the KJHK ride or die award, but shows a particular dedication to the craft. For a while I’ve been casually tossing it into conversation that we should all get matching tattoos, and one day I’ll peer pressure everyone into it. Until then, Bobbi Washechek has won in a landslide on most likely to get a KJHK tramp stamp
Would Run A Starbucks like the Navy –
Sometimes a Starbucks is a messy location. A jungle of afraid teenagers being yelled at everyday and stuck behind a wall of frappuccinos. Sometimes you’re lucky if you get a drink at all. Sometimes, it’s a well oiled machine working with such precision and efficiency you can’t help but wonder what type of absolute master of teamwork and communication is behind this force. An air of respect among its crew and lack of fear from the teenagers who know that they are protected from any Coffee Aficionado who has convinced themselves that Starbucks is the pinnacle of coffee, and will not settle for anything less than perfect. The captain running this ship and protecting its crew? Beth Davis. No further comment.
Biggest KJHK Ride or Die –
Last but not least, the Biggest KJHK Ride or Die. Who’s out here knowing, loving, breathing, living, and bleeding KJHK? Well, everyone who keeps it locked is in some way, but some of us are just better than others in this regard. And the best of the best in keeping it locked, Ms Locke, if you will. Keeping It Locked. Locked as hell. All the time, so locked she doesn’t even need to Keep It, is Clara Ketchell! Clara is our upcoming Station Manager and so it makes sense that she is naturally so dedicated to the craft. This award was NOT awarded as a way to keep our jobs.
And Now – Our Write in Awards
Our staff had the opportunity to award anyone any additional award they could think of – these are those submissions.
Most Likely to Become Famous After School – Ali Madden & Jackson Goodrich
Additional Dynamic Duo Combinations – Jack Bugee and Abbey Todd, Kacie Fuller and Emma Curran
City Girl, City Gurl Award, and Most City Girl – Alexis Vielma
Biggest Sleeper Genius / Most Likely to Fall asleep in Prod 2 / Most Likely to make an award winning project – Kacie Fuller (They’re all suck-ups)
Most Likely to be Tazed in the Office – Brandon Luck
Most Gabagool – Jack Bugee
Most Likely to be confused for one another – Emma Curran and Abbey Todd
Most likely to fall asleep on the music office couch – Tyler Burkett
Chillest Vibe – Who was a Chill Ass Vibe. What is a Chill Ass VIbe? Please Google just show me pictures of a Chill Ass Vibe. No, I don’t want to see pictures of icebergs and polar bears, I just want to know what a Chill Ass Vibe is. Please for the love of god show me a Chill Ass Vibe, my kids keep telling me that I don’t have a Chill Ass Vibe and I just want to look cool in front of them. – Submitted by some rambling man who somehow got the link to this. This did not skew the votes, I’m sure.