BY EMMA CURRAN<\/p>\n
On October 3rd, 2024, I traveled to Council Bluffs, Iowa to see Chappell Roan on the last night of the Midwest Princess Tour. It was a night I was absolutely thrilled for, and nothing could dim the excitement I had for the show. I am 21 years old seeing this concert, but Chappell Roan makes me feel like I\u2019m a teenager growing up in Missouri again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 21 years ago, in Roseville, California, a girl with bright red curly hair was born at 9:33 in the morning, and her parents took her home to a 6 month old yellow lab puppy. 18 months later, they moved to O\u2019Fallon, Missouri, and a yearning for a place she\u2019d never known was born inside that baby girl.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I used to wonder why in the world my parents would leave California. I mean living on the west coast? The golden state? How could anything be better than that? I was certain that boring old O\u2019Fallon could never live up to it. With its bland suburban houses and ugly school buildings, I knew without a doubt, starting at the ripe age of 10, that California was where I was meant to be. And no one could change my mind. And while my siblings would never understand this longing for a place that burrowed deep in my subconscious, I knew that Maddie did. My girl, that yellow lab puppy that I took on walks, even though she was much stronger than me, and would play fetch with until we were both out of breath. I knew that she understood this longing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n As I got older, I still held onto this belief that Missouri was a plague, and that I needed to get out before it fully consumed me. When I was 13, my family finally took a trip back to California. I was ecstatic. There was some part of my brain that was convinced that I would get there and be able to never come back. That I could somehow convince my family to stay. This of course, didn\u2019t happen ( damn parents ) but it was incredible to see what I had been yearning for all these years.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n On this trip, I saw the house that we used to live in. I thought that I\u2019d be thrilled, telling my parents \u201cI told you! This place is way better!\u201d, or show them that nothing could beat this. But, much to my dismay, it wasn\u2019t any of that. In fact, I realized that this house would be much too small for the addition to our family since we had moved to Missouri, my brother and sister. And while I was an angsty 13 year old, I did have to admit that I loved my siblings. And Maddie had grown up too, there was no yard at this house, no place for me to play with my beloved dog, and no place for her to live the way that she should. And seeing this, a seed of doubt was planted. Maybe my parents did know what they were doing, not that I\u2019d ever tell them that of course.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n On new years eve of 2018, I celebrated with friends, family, and of course, Maddie. New years came and went, and then in June of that year, I turned 15. I hadn\u2019t thought about California in a very long time, and I had grown to love my hometown. Not to say life was easy, I was a confused and closeted teenager who didn\u2019t understand what or why she was feeling this way, along with all the self-esteem issues that had been boiling under the surface for a long time. I lost a lot of friends that year, along with realizing that they never really cared about me. My family was always there for me, but Maddie was the one who really understood. Even though she couldn\u2019t use any words, I knew she cared.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n On October 3rd, 2018, I got called out of school. I wasn\u2019t sure why, I didn\u2019t think I had any appointments that day? I walked out of lunch, and got in the car with my parents and Maddie. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew Maddie was old, and I knew she had been having health problems lately, but she was so perfect, there was no way she could leave me now. Despite all this, I drove with my parents to the vet, and sat and cried while we waited in the lobby. And I sobbed and begged her not to go, but I had to say goodbye to my girl, the one who I had grown up with, who had been there with me through all of my doubts, who always knew just what I needed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n October 3rd has always been a sad day for me. It\u2019s hard to remember what felt like losing a sibling. It of course gets easier with time, but it’s never a breeze.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n On October 3rd, 2024, the 6 year anniversary of when I lost my Maddie, I traveled to Council Bluffs, Iowa to see Chappell Roan on the last night of the Midwest Princess Tour. The show was incredible and electric, and while Chappell came to my life what feels like 6 years too late, it makes me feel seen to see someone who looks like me, from a small town in Missouri, going through similar experiences. To relate to someone so heavily who makes music that connects with my soul is such a unique experience that I\u2019ve never had from any other artist. The show came to a close and while I was disappointed that she didn\u2019t play \u201cCalifornia\u201d, I was still buzzing with excitement over seeing her in person. She understood me in a way that I didn\u2019t know music could, and made me feel seen in a way that made me cry.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n But, I was wrong. The show wasn\u2019t over, I had forgotten about the encore songs. Chappell came back on stage, in triumphant fashion, to perform 3 encore songs. The first of which was \u201cCalifornia\u201d. The song started, and I couldn\u2019t hold back my tears. All my memories of longing for a place I thought I knew, learning to love my hometown, realizing that my childhood would\u2019ve been so different if we had stayed in California, and being so grateful that my parents made the decision that they did. And of course, this song reminds me of Maddie. Chappell\u2019s incredible lyricism speaks to a part of my soul that no one had been able to connect to. I didn\u2019t know that anyone could understand this feeling, and hearing \u201cCalifornia\u201d performed live, I can feel all of the emotion and passion, and know that she truly understands this feeling.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" BY EMMA CURRAN On October 3rd, 2024, I traveled to Council Bluffs, Iowa to see Chappell Roan on the last night of the Midwest Princess Tour. It was a night I was absolutely thrilled for, and nothing could dim the excitement I had for the show. I am 21 years old seeing this concert, but Chappell Roan makes me feel like I\u2019m a teenager growing up in Missouri again.\u00a0 21 years ago, in Roseville, California, a girl with bright red […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":81623,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8762,15,3232,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-81622","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-creative-writing","category-featured-on-kjhk","category-live-performances","category-music"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/kjhk.org\/web\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/Image-5.jpeg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kjhk.org\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81622","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kjhk.org\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kjhk.org\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kjhk.org\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/18"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kjhk.org\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=81622"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/kjhk.org\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81622\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":81624,"href":"https:\/\/kjhk.org\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81622\/revisions\/81624"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kjhk.org\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/81623"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kjhk.org\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=81622"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kjhk.org\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=81622"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kjhk.org\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=81622"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}